Thursday, February 23, 2017

Awe-Manac catch up.

February 19 2017
Name today:  49 years and counting!
Today I get to: go to church and make family dinner

I'm writing this several days behind so I'm just going to skip all the super creative stuff today about being the center of the Universe.  (which I need to take more seriously, I mean there are thousands of my progenitors/family and my Heavenly Father and Mother who are focused on me and hoping I can hold my universe together successfully.)  Any way, Today is the 49 anniversary of my first date with Marvin.  Who knew that date I had reluctantly accepted would turn into 49 years, 8 children, 21 grandchildren. I might be willing to give up the 49years but not my children or grandchildren or the knowledge gained in those years.---- Our Stake president spoke today at church about a topic I haven't heard from my ward pulpit in a long time.  "Preparing for the Second Coming of Jesus Christ".  His talk was more on being spiritually prepared rather than on the physical aspects. One of the ideas he gave which would make a great family home evening and focus for a year was related to the parable of the 10 virgins. He suggested getting an oil lamp, olive oil and a dropper and each time we do something to build our testimony or the kingdom of God we can put a drop of oil in the lamp.  He suggested that we could then light it and burn the lamp on Christmas.  He states they did this in his ward once and then, at the ward Christmas party, every one brought their lamps and they lined the walk to the door of the church to light the way.   The last two times I could go to church I was able to fell the Spirit.  It is so wonderful to be able to be able to be lifted and edified and not feel so empty inside.

February 20, 2017
Name today:  Monday, Monday (yikes another work week)
Today I get to:  try and sleep and then go to work (boring)
Today is Ansel Adams birthday and for the creativity assignment I was going to take a black and white photo of nature but I didn't get it done, but if I do get it done this week I'll add it to this post.  Didn't nap well but the  work night still went OK,  There were 6 admits today! Each of the 3 night nurses took one admit and one other new pt admitted earlier so the work was spread out. Luckily,  my admit was relatively easy and my new earlier guy mostly just needed disimpacted LOL (always fun to do---not). 

February 21. 2017
Name today: 47th Anniversary
Today I get to:  Sleep and work

I know I should try and think of more interesting things to do.  But if I have to work that night and worked the night before there's not much I will do except that.  I did order some green soft throws for the front room to help pull the yellow bed and chair into looking like they go with the sofa and throw pillows I bought.  I am going to change the yellow and gray patterned, coverlet I have on the end of the bed and matching bed pillows and use the solid green throw on the end to freshen up the room and pull the color from the throw pillows so it coordinate better.  I also bought a new lighter area rug  for the room but when I put it down it looked worse than the dark one already in there. I guess I'll have to keep looking.  When I get the old love seat out of the house so I can get to the bed to place the throw/blanket and change out the rug I'll take a picture and post it here but right now with the love seat still sitting in the middle of the room it's not happening. 

It is the United Nations International Mother Language Day and in honor of that I am tasked with making up a few words in the language of  "Deannese".   *Feralitis:  This is a condition you catch when you begin feeding a starving mother cat and her three kittens  Untreated it can lead to an overabundance of wild animals living in your back yard. It can only be cured with metal traps and a trip to the vet. * complusated  This happens when you FINALLY have enough of whatever it was you were fixated on acquiring in every style and color---from the Latin compulsive and satiated.    *dreamailure:  To constantly dream of things but never accomplish anything.   *Motivacation  The inspiration and motivation you acquire while on vacation that evaporate once you are back in the real world.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Febuary 18, 2017

Name today: Lazy Rainy Saturday
Today I get to --give myself permission to make mistakes

This note gives the bearer (Deanna Steffler) permission to make mistakes.  "just because you make mistakes doesn't mean you are one"  author unknown.   Heavenly Father is not an umpire who is counting strike one, strike two, strike three  You're OUT!  He is the loving parent and coach on the sideline always encouraging you to get up and try again.  he knew this life was to be a learning experience and that we would make mistakes but that is why he also planned for a Savior to redeem us from those mistakes,  Christ makes up for all of the pain, heartache and hurt caused by you and/or any one affected by the mistake.  You can never be beyond the loving arms of the Lord's atonement.

Never say "oops" always say " AH, interesting!     We need to take the lesson/knowledge we learn from our mistakes to move forward wiser for the experience, not to let the mistake stop us in our tracks.

Feb 17. 2017

Name today:  Impulse purchase a sofa day
I get to:  Not work and relax

The inventor of the stethoscope was born today in 1781 write a list of things the stethoscope can detect about a person and then write a story, song, poem about them.

Heart health, lung capacity, lung health, constipation, hunger, gas, sensitivity to cold metal objects, shyness, fear of Dr, pregnancy

the healthy heart it dum-dum-dums
The afib heart goes ditty-ditty-dduummmm-dum-dum-ditty
Some lungs breathe in a silent effortlessness
while others are rude and make so much noise that the heart can't be heard above the din.
some abdomens are swollen and firm and hold on the everything so tight that not even a bubble or rumble can escape
while other are sunk so deep their ribs perturb cry out in loud voices- "feed me!"
woops! is that cold? sorry let me warm that up a little
I'm just going to touch you, it won't hurt I'm just going to listen you'll be alright, breathe.
Can you hear that? Let me put these in your ears, can you hear now?   That's the sound of your new child, you are going to bring a perfect new little spirit into the world,  I know, don't cry, it is a miracle isn't it!

February 16th 2017

Name the Day:   recovery day approximately 972
Today I get to: sleep/ rest/watch TV/ RECOVER

I am prompted to write a story using words from a long list of random items/words so here it is.
      I sat in the car with the windows rolled down, it was a warm day for February--in fact it had been unseasonably warm all month.  My car was stopped by a small farm, the fields were muddy from all the recently melted winter snow.  My gazed moved further away and across the pasture where there was a corralled area with at least twenty-five cows standing with head hanging low and tails switching as they chewed slowly on their cuds.  They must run a small dairy business here I thought, that explains the flies.  I guess it has been warm enough to hatch out the first spring batch of the pesky black insects.  I laid my head back and closed my eyes, listening to the deep rumble of the cows as they talked among themselves. The quiet lowing was interrupted by the high pitched buzz of a fly that was determined to check out my nose, look me in the eye and drink from the drop of sweat on my brow. I shook my head and waved my hand around like a crazy man.  I sat back up and contemplated rolling the windows up again but decided against it, I had had them rolled up for a while but the heat from the late morning sun shining through the windshield had heated up the interior to an unbearable stuffiness.  It had already been almost two and a half hours since the line of cars slowed and we haven't moved in over 2 hours.  I listened to the radio for a while until I was afraid I'd run the battery down and I can't really keep the car running since I passed up the gas station in the last town believing I could easily reach the big modern one on the edge of the next town where the price is competitive and the bathrooms clean and bright.  Luckily I still had a bag of sunflower seeds in the car left over from my last sales trip. Unfortunately it was just a bag of plain salted seeds and lately I have been preferring the new dill pickle flavor. Oh well, beggars can't be choosers.  So here I am just sitting and spitting.  It takes the edge off my growing hunger,  Now I wish I had taken time for breakfast before I left but I was in a hurry to get on the road, and when I gassed up this morning I had eyed a big sticky bun and a bag of almonds I saw near the cash register but I passed because they were overpriced--even for gas station pricing.  I gazed out over the fields again and noticed an old mule was wandering through the wet dirt, head low, searching, and then grabbing up the occasional green shoots with his soft lips. I closed my eyes again, I doubt in the olden days there many "mule traffic jams" I mused.  How much longer is this going to last!!!!
An hour  ago the radio reported that some drivers had played bumper cars near the small town of Maurice.  That's at least sixty miles ahead and the announcer had estimated that the traffic was backed up for about 75 miles.  That's another 15-20 miles behind me and I imagine it is still growing.  It's sure to make the record books!  I looked in the rear view mirror at the car behind me.  A middle aged man was in the driver's seat and the woman in the passenger seat was leaning away from him, her shoulder dug into the door frame, her eyes staring blankly out the window.  Suddenly, I see the man pound on the steering wheel and his mouth opening and closing, his face contorted as he yelled over his shoulder at the unseen persons in the back seat.  I see his wife's mouth move without ever turning her head or changing position.  The man gave one more slap to the wheel and then pushed the door open and got out.  He looked up and down the long line of idle cars and then his eyes met mine.  He briskly walked toward me,  I thought of frantically rolling up the window but he was there before my hesitant hand reached the crank.  "Hey buddy" he said then wiped his hand across his brow. (I knew he hadn't rolled down his windows because otherwise I would have heard his outburst)  "Damned hot for this time of year! I wonder what those screw-ups are doing up there! How long do they thing they can keep us roasting out here!" His eyes wandered around the interior of my car.  "you're one lucky SOB.  You don't have a shrew and couple of spoiled whining brats yappin' at you every other minute!!!  He looked up and down the line of cars again,  "you'd think there would be some official response, you know some one bring water or food or at least information!  these government types don't know a damn thing,  they wit in their air conditioned offices like gods and do nothing while we rot out here!!!  His eyes returned to looking at me "you wouldn't happen to have some water or anything to drink that I can give my kids,  They won't shut their mouths and my wife is blaming me because I wouldn't stop at that last town and get lunch like she wanted"  I did feel a bit of sympathy for the man and I did have a couple of gallons of water in the trunk for emergencies, so I got out and gave him a gallon, He turned without even acknowledging the gift, "hey, wait"  I called as I grabbed the open bag of sunflower seeds off the seat and handed them to him.  He took it, gave it a shake and again turned and returned to the car without even a thank-you.  Well, I thought this must be "do a grouch a favor day"  The rest of the day passed in a tedious round of naps, waving off flies, day dreaming and some grouchy words of my own.  Finally, after the sun had set and I was starting to wish for the heat of mid day again, we started to move.  Later I found out the traffic had been backed up 109 miles definitely a record!

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Feb 15, 2017 Awe-manac

Name today---"swear off sugar day"
Today I get to---- Exercise, read, work
Subliminal message: "I've loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
I am supposed to change that to make my own quote
"I've loved the peace of solitude too fondly to be afraid of being alone."

It is Melissa Manchester's birthday so the assignment is to pick one of her song titles and write about it by using the perspective of.(there was a full page of suggestions)-- I chose brain surgeon and the song title is Don't Cry Out Loud.

    "I find the message of this title a threat to the health of all of people!  You'll never know how many times I have had to operate to relieve the pressure on the brain that all those internal tears have created .  I have had them practically explode when I've drilled the first hole in the skull spraying everyone in the room with their dark turbid mood!  I have had some success by placing an internal drain to relieve the build up but I find that the person becomes a shell of his former self.  They go around with a flat affect and are unable to feel either joy or sadness.  So don't take the word of some "celebrity" believe me she doesn't know what she is talking about!"

Feb 14 2017 Awe-Manac

Today's assignments, because this was a day that the birds are supposed to start mating we are to let the birds know we support them... I bought a bag of bird seed and need to put out the feeder.
It is also the inventor of the Ferris Wheels birthday so I am assigned to write a poem or a Haiku about Ferris wheels  so here is my Haiku ( a three line poem with 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second and 5 in the third and it doesn't rhyme)

round and round, up, down, flying
Rocking, hang on tight
I was also assigned to send an E-valentine to myself.  so I made a "Jib Jab" singing dancing video of "I Got You Babe" for Marvin and me.  I thought it was so funny and cute and laughed out loud but when I called him over to see it he just sat silently with a mild scowl on his face.  I said "you aren't even smiling"  he just said "I don't see anything funny yet!  Is that supposed to be you and me?"  He just watched then got up and walked away without even looking at me--sigh

....four+ years later...

It's been a long time since I posted anything on this blog.  I returned home not too long after my last post having come to the realization that Marvin would not make any effort to change his life and that I had to accept that and move on.  I didn't really move on I just started to exist/endure living my life work-sleep-TV-computer-sleep-repeat.  Nothing good or bad just how it was.  I decided just to live my life for myself but I found myself sinking into the couch and disappearing.  Not so bad since I was no longer beset with the desires/anger/dreams that I had regarding Marvin so things no longer were emotionally charged.  It is what it is and I just need to accept it.  Early last year I decided to try an antidepressant to see if it made any difference and I do think it helped, the fog has lifted some.  I started to work on losing weight and was successful for a few months but then the holidays came and what had become easy, again seemed impossible to restart.  Here it is  the middle of February, 3 months later and I'm up 4 pounds.  I am taking steps this week to change that.  I'm trying to get remotivated and I have enlisted a help of a friend from church who has lost weight and become very fit and just got certified to be a "health coach"  I thought it would be like a personal trainer but after our first meeting I am seeing it will be more working on my own mental blocks and issues that keep me from being my best.  I also found a book entitled "The Awe-Manac A Daily Dose of Wonder"  Its goal is to help you get in touch with and kick start your creativity.  Every day you spend a few minutes thinking and writing, exploring different thoughts/ideas in different and some times kind of bizarre ways.  I started on Feb 13th.  It began * "name the day"  I named it "Dennis the Menace" because it is my son-in-law Dennis' birthday.  Next: *What would you change your name to if you could and how would that change how you feel about yourself?....."Annie Theresa"--my grandmother's name---- Independent, determined, strong, active, thrifty, but also ascorbic, proud.  Or maybe "Dee Anne"  Dee would be smaller, bubblier, more outgoing and fun loving. but less responsible.  Sky Blue-- a dreamer, free.  The book also asks you to complete this sentence* Today I get to.... "See my new grandson and talk with my new life coach",

      It is also the birthday of Grant Wood the artist who painted " American Gothic" So the final assignment was to imagine what happens next in the painting.
     "It's been a hard year made even harder by the deadly illness that has been sweeping the land.  Homer is not a young man and ever since our son abandoned us and the farm to go out west, he just works sunrise to sunset and hardly speaks at all.  He never takes a rest except for Sundays when he puts on a clean white shirt and his only black suit coat and solemnly walks to the old church.  Reverend Johns has aged poorly in this harsh country and has been beset with frequent ailments so Homer, as head deacon, often is the one who delivers the sermon to our shrinking community of worshipers.  Today though is NOT Sunday--- but he got up and put on his clean white shirt and black coat.  Today, we are going over to the Christenson's, our closest neighbors and friends.  Hans and Homer came to this land together as young men.  Their eyes filled with dreams of "amber waves of grain" and two story clapboard houses filled with children and surrounded by spacious green fields punctuated by the flowers and trees planted with their own hands, grown from the seeds ordered in the dead of winter after pouring over all the pages and choices in the seed catalog.  Some of those dreams came true but the house was a humble one story and the children struggled to arrive and then much too soon slipped away to Jubilee carried on the wings of angels. All except one, our son George. He grew into a handsome lad with sun kissed curls with a quick laugh and a twinkle in his eye. And then on to be a tall broad shouldered man with bigger dreams than a back breaking life toiling in the hard earth year after year.  So he left....  But I digress, today we are going over to the Christenson's.  Homer is going to give the eulogy, then he and the other few able body men will lower Hans into the all consuming earth---"dust to dust".  Then, they will see to pitching the last load of hay that Hans had brought in from the field before he was struck ill into the rafters of the barn.  I will be helping Rebecca, she is consumed with grief and has been in poor health herself, I'm afraid she may soon follow Hans though the veil. Well, Homer has started walking, his head hanging, his shoulders rounded and using his pitchfork like and old man's walking stick.  What a different picture than when we were first married he'd kiss me goodbye and then set out his head held high, the pitchfork swaying jauntily on his shoulder and with a sharp whistle invite Old Shep to join him..... Enough of looking to the past, "for suffient unto the day is the 'work' thereof" and He needs my shoulder to the wheel.