The Bulwer-Lytton Awards For 2009
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2009.htm
I found a reference to a fun and funny literary award and found these outlandish story first liners that were submitted for this years' contest of the Bulwer-Lytton Awards (named, if you don't know, for the guy who wrote the line that Snoopy always used: "It was a dark and stormy night."). I'm thinking it would be fun to try and write our own quirky, fictitious, adjective filled, tangential, irrelevant "opening sentences". So I thought we could have our own little contest, with a $20 gift card for a prize. I want everyone (especially all of my grandkids so mom's and dad's help them out)to submit something. Put on your thinking caps, sharpen your pencils or exercise your typing finger and start writing. Anyway here are a few of my favorites from the real contest, You can read more by going to the link above.
From the miscellaneous section:
1.There were earthquakes in this land, terrible tsunamis that swirled flooding torrents of water throughout, and constant near-blizzard conditions, and not for the first time, Horatio Jones wished he did not live inside a snow globe.
Rich Buley-Neumar
Amityville, NY
Adventure:
1.Runner-Up
In a flurry of flame and fur, fangs and wicker, thus ended the world's first and only hot air baboon ride.
Tony Alfieri
Los Angeles, CA
Detective:
1.Winner: Detective
She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida - the pink ones, not the white ones - except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't.
Eric Rice
Sun Prairie, WI
1. Winner: Fantasy Fiction
A quest is not to be undertaken lightly--or at all!--pondered Hlothgar, Thrag of the Western Boglands, son of Glothar, nephew of Garthol, known far and wide as Skull Dunker, as he wielded his chesty stallion Hralgoth through the ever-darkening Thlargwood, beyond which, if he survived its horrors and if Hroglath the royal spittle reader spoke true, his destiny awaited--all this though his years numbered but fourteen.
Stuart Greenman
Seattle, WA
2. Runner-Up
Towards the dragon's lair the fellowship marched -- a noble human prince, a fair elf, a surly dwarf, and a disheveled copyright attorney who was frantically trying to find a way to differentiate this story from "Lord of the Rings."
Andrew Manoske
Foster City, CA
a "dishonorable" mention:
She expected a beautiful morning after the previous night's hard rain but instead stepped out her door to a horrible vision of drowned earthworms covering the walkway -- their bodies curled and swirled like limp confetti after a party crashed by firefighters.
Rita Hammett
Boca Raton, Florida
To get us all started, here's an offering from me, inspired by Dennis' 4th of July pics and comments on facebook.
She quickly and flirtatiously climbed on top of the bright red, gaily wrapped tower, her unruly perpetually bad hair day blond tresses flowed out from under the not so attractive broad brimmed Panama hat, a remnant of a spring break weekend from her distant but not forgotten past (well mostly forgotten except for the hat) she wondered curiously what that green rope like thing sticking up was as she surrounded it with her long unbending legs and giggled nervously as the flickering flame approached--unaware (like the blond she was) that she had mounted the Fourth of July finale firecrackers!
